Chapter 9: The Affair of the Heart

Chapter 9: The Affair of the Heart

The Affair of the Heart     

     The affair of the heart is the unfaithfulness of love, commitment, and honor towards ordinate sources and the placing of one’s own forms of these affections onto another inordinate source. The greatest example of this unfaithfulness is the turning of the heart away from Christ towards the things of the world: people, false religions, materialism, desire for honor, pleasure, etc. For example, the seeds that fell on the rocky and thorny soils resulted in the death of the plants through a final act of unfaithfulness to God in preference for earthly pleasures, comfort, and security. This may happen momentary to true believers of Christ, but will never last, for their hearts are secured in the eternal Covenant of the good Shepherd, who will lovingly discipline and bring back His straying sheep each time that they go astray. The other primary example of this unfaithfulness, which results from a woman’s unfaithfulness or disbelief in Christ, is the turning of her heart away from her husband or father and placing it on someone or something else. Remember that women are always under a yoke, even if it is the yoke of her own self.  

     In this chapter we will discuss the affair of the heart that exists in a married woman. In the present culture, we often see married woman lose their devotion to their husbands in preference for another man causing great marital and family distress and ruin. There are deep complex issues of the heart occurring in a woman who experiences this “affair of the heart”. There is a great desire for intimacy and fellowship within human beings, so much so that our heart would become cold with despair, anger, or hatred, were we to consider ourselves unloved, unneeded, and unworthy.   

The Heart of the Suitable Helper

     The woman who is pure in heart has experienced the Spiritual life of Christ by eating of His body broken for her and drinking of the living Water by which she will never grow thirsty again. She seeks Christ for all of her spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. Christ rewards her earnest seeking of Him by granting her abundant joy, increasing comprehension of His unfailing love, and granting her the desires of her heart for His righteousness and holiness. He sustains her during trials, bandages her wounds when she pours out her heart, and delivers her out of each trouble that she faces. The desire of her heart is only to know and obey her Lord, and she knows that only Christ is able and willing to fulfill this desire of hers.

     The development of purity of her heart changes her perspective towards her husband. For she no longer seeks to be cherished and desired by him in an idolatrous desperate manner. She rather is used by God to be a suitable helper, dwelling on fulfilling, as Christ enables her, the spiritual, emotional, and physical needs of her husband. Because Christ has filled her heart, all she seeks to do concerning her husband is to please him in a way that pleases Christ. Her purpose is to support his soul as he pursues Christ. She seeks to eliminate every barrier in his way that hinders his progression in his faith. The love that she has received from her heavenly Father overflows from her towards her husband. And when her husband rebukes her and speaks in such a way as guilt may be incurred in her, she seeks the Spirit’s restoration and correction of her spirit. Her repentant, broken, and contrite allows her to take no offense at his admonition, but to respect his warning, because by it, her heavenly Father will train her to yield a peaceful harvest of righteousness. Her freedom in Christ frees her from her carnal need for her husband’s enrapturing of her. What a blessed helper she is to him, selfless and strong, and yet gentle and quiet. She is like an ever-filled fountain of righteous and holy peace for him.

The False Gospel of the “Affair of the Heart”

     In the natural morally depraved state, humans are prone to dislike the people who arouse the most guilt within them. The people who make others feel ashamed, guilty, worthless, vile, carnal, and selfish are often the most hated. The romantic period that often exists during courtship and early marriage is characterized by an overwhelming emotional intimacy that puts a sheen of false grace over both of the partner’s flaws. The ecstasy of the human emotion and the sense of worth bestowed to both man and woman by the affection of the other appeals to the desires of the flesh. Humans feel great pleasure in romantic affairs, because the reciprocate affections from the partner give a temporary form of elevated worth to the recipient. The adoration of the other provides the feelings of significance and human glory. For a time these feelings seem to resolve the guilty conscience that ever plagues the hearts of men and woman. Carnal romance is perhaps one of the strongest human passions because it temporarily appears to dispel the unseen agony of the guilty conscience underlying the fear the death.

¹⁴ Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, ¹⁵ and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives. Heb 2

     Carnal romance offers a counterfeit gospel. The Gospel of our salvation exhibits the unconditional love and grace of God that absolves our guilt and bestows upon us a mantle of righteousness and light through Christ. The false gospel of romance offers a fleeting conditional mirage of the absolving of guilt and a bestowing of human glory onto both individuals. The spirit of carnal romance denies the work of Christ and is a spirit of the antichrist (1 John 4:3). This spirit cannot save and its deception results in condemnation, if the deceived individuals do not repent and continue in the faith (Rom 8:13)

“They have healed the brokenness of My people superficially,
Saying, ‘Peace, peace,’
But there is no peace. Jer 6:14

    During the affair of the heart, each partner seeks for the other to fulfill his/her deep emotional needs. Both partners are often tremendously needy, empty, and unsatisfied in their hearts. The bestowment of value and cherishment from the other partner is deemed as far surpassing in worth than whatever flaws exists in the soul of this person. Each person’s heart subconsciously says, “You meet my deepest needs, and if there is moral depravity in you, I cannot see it; I choose not to, for then I cannot use you as I so please”.

Because you have said, “We have made a covenant with death,
And with Sheol we have made a pact.
The overwhelming scourge will not reach us when it passes by,
For we have made falsehood our refuge and we have concealed ourselves with deception.” Is 28:15

     Broken marriages often arise following the romantic period due to the trials and tribulations of life which bring to the forefront the worst characteristics of both partners. The mysterious thrill of the romantic embrace fades into the familiarity of day-to-day life. During trials, each partner may start to openly or subtly accuse the other. And this is where the feelings of intimacy start to fade [apart from Divine intervention]. For each partner no longer overlooks the other’s faults. Each partner no longer eases the other’s guilty conscience. Over time each partner may even elevate guilt bringing out old and new guilt over the weaknesses of the flesh of the other. Both partners attempt to cover up the guilt by accusing the other even more with anger and arguments. Sometime one or both partners may ignore or avoid the other.

in that they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them, Rom 2:15

     Then, when either of the partners starts to receive affirmation or affection from a third party, unless God intervenes, they are fair game for yet another affair of the heart. Little do such people know that the romance of the new affair would fade into the same gloom had they been united in unfaithfulness to the first covenant. This is often the basis for divorce-and-remarriage cycles. These cycles are characterized with persistent and building guilt in the souls of the participants. They follow in the footstep of Cain, a vagrant and restless wanderer on the earth (Gen 4:14). For no partner could relieve the guilt of the heart. No partner could fill the desires of the heart. No partner could fill the empty soul. No partner could love unconditionally in spite of weaknesses. No partner could forgive the sin, the essence of guilt. Consider what Jesus, the sinless Son of Man, who needed nothing from men, but received His satisfaction from obeying His Father, says:

²⁴ But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men, ²⁵ and because He did not need anyone to testify concerning man, for He Himself knew what was in man. John 2

The Healing of Unfaithfulness through the Gospel

     Dear saint, you are probably realizing that yet again, the Gospel of our salvation is the only healing balm for the seat of the unfaithful heart. God will heal our apostasy, love us freely, and His anger will turn away from us as we are under the new Covenant  (Heb 14:4). He calls us to return, though we have been faithless. He will heal our faithfulness. Let us come to Him for He is the Lord our God. (Jer 3:22) Then marriage will be held in honor among all of us, and the marriage bed will be undefiled. We know that fornicators and adulterers will be judged by our Lord. (Heb 13:4)

     When a man and woman are married, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Whatever God has joined together should not be separated by men. Because of the hardness of the hearts of the Israelites, God allowed the husband to give the wife a certificate of divorce and send her away. But from the beginning God’s command was that of the true unconditional love that remains steady, constant, faithful, forgiving, and refining towards the recipient. (Matt 19:6-8) Marriage was instituted by God to display the faithfulness of Christ towards His bride: His church, the united people of God from all time. Christ washes her with the water of His Word. He purifies His bride so that she is spotless and clean, prepared for Christ (Rev 21:2). He grants her His righteous robe as her fine linen garment (Rev 19:8). The church is progressively sanctified such that she fears, honors, obeys, and respects her husband, Christ.

“How long will you go here and there,

O faithless daughter?

For the Lord has created a new thing in the earth—

A woman will encompass a man.” Jer 31:22

     When God unites His son and daughter in marriage, His purpose is to utilize their union to conform each of them into the image of Christ so that their character is refined and the glory of the Gospel is revealed to the world. The cause of marital strain is always the sins of the flesh of either, or in most cases both, partners. This strain has no remedy apart from the work of the cross. For any peace or true and lasting reconciliation of mind and heart between them to occur, each of them must put to death the misdeeds of the flesh (Rom 8:13). Something has to die in both of them. And in the process of that death to self, they are able to live anew with Christ (Gal 2:20). In fact, the only manner in which a marriage can be healed, preserved, and flourished is the work of the Spirit through the Message of the Gospel. Sometimes unbelieving couples appear to have a form of harmony and mutual affection, yet it is not unconditional, and it lacks the true and deep emotions of humility, grace, and agape. Such God-less relationships are somewhat like a business or earthly compatibility partnership. In a Christian marriage, Christ must be sought and found by both partners for the marriage to succeed and bear fruit. Thus, the refinement of both hearts from weaknesses, inordinate strongholds, and pride is inevitable in the union of two true believers who are being progressively sanctified. This ever-deepening of holiness in the face of imminent needs for self-examination, forgiveness, and Christ-likeness reveal the glory of the transforming work of the cross and the faithfulness and love of Christ towards His own. Indeed, through love and faithfulness, sin is atoned for (Prov 16:6)!

 always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 2 Cor 4:10

     If there is nothing else that you remember from this book, dear saint, remember the Gospel of our salvation. For this salvation, when understood and believed in its entirety, will result in the conquering of every sin, the full comprehension of His grace, the fullness of joy, and the satisfaction of the soul in His love. May our Lord and Savior be glorified and praised by the Word of our Testimony as He and we receive the reward of the Lamb’s blood. Seek Him with all of your heart, dear saint!